This post is a follow up to my post Praying For A Miracle… It’s a little difficult for me to write but I need to clear my thoughts. Thank you to those of you who left heart felt comments and for keeping her in your prayers. And to my sponsors for their patience.
Recap: My best friend who has been my best friend for 28 years and is like a sister to me had to undergo heart surgery 2 weeks ago, due to an infection around one of her heart valves. I stayed with her this past couple weeks because I was so worried about her. The good news is she is OK and recovering!!
The bad news…. This infection was caused by an addiction she has to Oxycontin (Oxycodone). This was her first heart surgery at 29 years old and won’t be her last if she doesn’t get the help she needs. The doctors have told her several times that there is only so many surgeries they can perform due to her epilepsy and before her heart will eventually give out due to the damage she is causing her heart from “using”.
She has had chronic pain for most of her life and turned into an addiction to pain killers and opiates for the last 8 years. It started out with Tylenol 4’s, but when her body began to become immune to the recommend dose, she started taking more and more. I remember her telling me at one point that she was taking up to 70 pills per day! She not only got addicted to taking that many per day, but got addicted to the “high” as well. From there, her addiction went on to Oxycontin.
She went from taking it by mouth to crushing it up, mixing it with hot water to dissolve it and then started injecting it with a hypodermic needle anywhere she could find a good vein in her body. According to her, the Tylenol 4 had such a harsh effect on her stomach lining and was making her vomit everyday so she resorted to that option.The injecting has been going on for the last 5 or so years.
During that time myself, her friends, her family and others have made several attempts to get her into detox and some sort of rehabilitation to help her. Several attempts were made and failed. Social services even stepped in a couple years ago because of her history and her now 9 year old daughter was taken out of the her parents home where my friend resides, put in custody of children’s services and eventually into a foster home because she went to school one day and told one of her teachers that she sees her “mommy putting needles different places on her body everyday and falling asleep everywhere”.
To lose your precious child… how can you not care? How can you not see that you need help when your life is being ripped away from you?? I don’t know what it’s like to have a serious drug addiction, so it was very hard for me to understand. But with enough research over the last several years I have come to a better understanding. No matter how much you try, the fact of the matter is an “addict” will only seek help when they decide it’s time, not anyone else. It’s hard because Alberta laws, don’t allow anyone to check someone into detox or rehab, they have to check themselves in.
I had a long conversation with her in the hospital about the events of the last 8 years, what she has been through, what she is doing to herself, her life and how it’s also affecting everyone who loves and cares about her.
One of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make my life… I put my foot down once and for all. I told her that if she decides to not go to detox and rehab and get herself clean that I think it’s best that we take a break from our friendship and re-evaluate our lives.
She made her choice very verbal and very clear when she heard what I had to say. She enjoys it too much too quit and doesn’t care. She is so far gone in her addiction that she just up and let our 28 year friendship go just like that. At the drop of a hat! Something I was NOT expecting! However, for the past few months, I have done a lot of thinking.
My stress levels have gone through the roof and I’m honestly sick of it! I’m always worrying about everyone else and putting them and their needs ahead of my own. My own life is falling apart while I try and save everyone else’s. I just can’t do it anymore.
I have been trying to help her for the last 8 years and honestly my heart is not in it anymore. I’m tired!!!! I can’t stick around any longer to watch her get closer and closer to killing herself! I love her so much and that will never change regardless of what she may think right now.
Maybe one day we will have that great friendship we once had back, maybe we won’t. I can’t hold on any longer to wait and see. Farewell my friend…. I wish her the best and really do hope that she succeeds in getting the help that she so desperately needs and hope for her daughters sake that she get’s her life back on track and in the right direction.